Tuesday, May 29, 2007


I love being home. I cherish the life God has me in right now.

I've had this time before. Just after I became "born again" (John 3:3). I would sit at Lord's feet and read and eat it up and soak and learn. For hours.

Right after that my husband and I moved 2 hours away from all of my dear sisters who had poured into my life, bought a grocery store, and we worked what felt like 24/7. Actually, we were open 7 days a week from 8 am to 8 pm.Yeah.

So during that time, I had no friends, no church, no sisters to hold my hand. I cried alot. We worked alot. Upheaval in our family. But also during that time, my theme song was "What a friend I have in Jesus", because He was all I knew. I asked Him one day why I couldn't get a grip on my life then. To like it, to flow in it. He said that it kept me on my knees. If everything was always great and wonderful, we would run on our little way and forget about Him.

And yes, we built a relationship with a strong foundation. No church, no Bible study, no friends. Just Him and me.

Well, now I have that time back again. Yes, I work, but it is at my discretion, when. So I can soak again. I can go to church again. I can read His Word again.

Back to reality. I just got a call from my husband. He needs me to drive a truck and trailer (with a car inside) to Denver this week. And turn right around and drive to Provo to deliver another car after that! Whew! He invaded my space! My space!

But whose space is it really? Mine? Or Lord's? When I submit (and I assure you, that I could flat out say no to my husband and it would be okay) but when I submit? It is, yes, to my husband, but really? It is to my Jesus. My Lord.

Oh, I can hear some. "You shouldn't have to do that. That may be dangerous." Yeah. I know. It can be scary. It can be a challenge driving with a trailer. (You should have seen me in Chicago!) Backing with a trailer is fun! (I'm being....well you know!)

But I am a firm believer in the verse 1 Cor.10:13. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

The Amplified says in the last part, "But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently."

I don't know if driving is a temptation, but the way my flesh felt at first when my husband asked me to do it was. Whoa! But I am a warrior woman. I love that verse because I believe that we haven't even tapped into the reservoir of strength that He has for us.

We can be free to step out and do the uncomfortable, the things that challenge us, because He is faithful to meet our needs. This verse is a promise. A protection. He can be trusted to not let us be pushed beyond our ability.

So, God, I must be able to do this. And more. because I am a warrior woman. I am a child of God, of the Almighty.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Amen?!

Yes, it will be a challenge. It's not easy sometimes to fuel with a big truck and trailer. It's not easy to park! (I have stories!) It's not easy to switch lanes in Denver traffic! (I have stories!)

But can I do it? Yes. I will submit to bless my husband. Because he is busy and he needs me. And he is blessing me.

Oh wait! Did I tell you that I get paid? And that on the trip to Denver, I can stop for a few days and play with my grandsons? Ha! Oh the challenges.....

Friday, May 25, 2007

Willing to let God

Holey Moley, God is Good!

Had a great time with the Lord this morning. I don't know how, but it gets better and better. Everyday there is new refreshing. New things to learn.

I am reading Pat Cocking's book: "Third Heaven, Angels and... Other Stuff". I borrowed it from the church library, but I am going to get my own. It seems like a good reference book to have.

In response to reading a part, I had such an incredible time with Jesus. So pure. So precious.

If we just give time to Him, He is faithful to show up!

I want to go farther with Him. And as I visualize that, I can't imagine Him pushing me away, can you? His Word says that when we seek Him, He will not turn away from us! How about that?! So if I come to Him fifty time a day, He won't push me away? If I come to Him 300 times, He won't ignore me?

How about if we just stay in Him. I'm learning. I still have bunches to learn, but I'm willing. I think that's what it takes.

Being willing.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Thankful Thursday

Okay, I am following in the footsteps of the famous www.mykissesfromheaven.blogspot.com blog writer to write a Thankful Thursday edition. She is such an inspiration to me. Makes me laugh. Keeps me accountable.

So my first edition of Thankful Thursday belongs to her. I am thankful for her eyes, because they look into God's face. I am thankful for her tears (that frequently come out of her eyes!) for her heart's cry is to see people released from their bondages. She cries over their pain. I am thankful for her hugs (yes I get to hug her in reality!) for in that hug, she wraps me with the arms of Jesus. I am thankful for her laughter, which in turn, I can't help but laugh back! I am thankful for her wisdom which she pours over me, into my life. I am thankful for her encouragement, with which she gives me the strength to go on. I am thankful for her spirit of slap, which she uses with discernment during my memory verse sessions! Keeps me on the path of writing God's Word on my heart.

And she is the one that got me started blogging. Thanks be to God and to her!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Nasty day - Trashy thoughts

Whoa. One of those days again.

You feel like the legion is inside of you. Every five minutes, you are declaring "and bringing captive every thought in obedience to Christ." And minutes later, again, you catch yourself thinking those same trashy thoughts.

Like, what is going on here, Lord? Why can't I get a grip on this, and feel free today?

Because Satan is a thief, coming to steal my joy today. And because Father God needs to know where my heart is.

I'm learning to not internalize all that happens to me. Pastor got a good word for me last October about that.

I'm learning to ask God for forgiveness, and ask for help. "Lord, I'm sorry. Help me."

That's the best prayer. Especially for days like today.

For the Nasty, Trashy Thought days.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Violent Prayer

Letting go is part of the battle. And also praying violent prayers for our loved ones.

It used to scare me when I would pray, "Lord take them where they need to go, to get to where they need to be with You". And even now, I admit, I feel a twinge when those words come out. "What if they die? What if they get hurt? What if....?"

Is their life right now so wonderful, as they might be abusing themselves, hurting themselves, and others? No. So what could be any worse? I know that this sound harsh, but as I have gone through addiction recovery with one family member, and other things in a marriage, don't I know that God wants the best for them? Don't I know that God wants no one to perish, but to come to repentance and to the knowledge of the truth?

And how do I think that He will do that? Will He let them perish? The Word says in 1 Tim. 2:4, "Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth." And in Acts16:31, "The Lord is not slack concerning His Promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." (Thanks to my mentor who keeps the spirit of slap ready in my memory work - Kidding!)

But reality? God loves them more than I do. Reality? His plan for them is better than mine! (Yeah, I admit that my plans could be a little vindictive!) Reality? God's Mercy endureth forever.

So, pray, ask, obey, let God, and let go.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

His Presence

Mother's Day came and went. I went to church. Had a great time with God. With my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Took my mother-in-law out to do her shopping, her heavy stuff. God taught me some stuff that day, but that's a whole other blog! We met my hubby and we three went out to eat. Wonderful meal. Good time.

Took her home and put away her goods. She was so appreciative. Had prayer.

And found my way home.

At home, I was a lost puppy. Something wasn't right. Something felt so wrong.

But I know. I missed my kids. I missed their shadows on my doorstep. I did see two at church, but so short a time. One is almost in another country he's so far away. And another and his family are a long ways away too. They all called - don't get me wrong. They are wonderfully thoughtful. Always good. But there is something about their presence. Their touch. Their hugs. Their presence. I was missing their presence.

How much more must God feel when we don't turn to Him. When we read His Word, but don't give into the tug on our hearts. We can be reading His Word, and brush Him aside and say "Not now, I'm reading." We can be doing a good thing. Of the Lord. But if we don't acknowledge him, it's for nothing. It's meaningless.

Some who will read this will wonder what is wrong with her. But some will know. Some who sit at His feet. Who lie in soak mode. Who crawl up on His lap. Some won't understand. But some will.

Maybe a year ago or so, I was visiting my son at Teen Challenge (he was a student there - no not staff - he was a cocaine addict and dealer). We found ourselves in church and during a wonderful worship time, I heard Lord say, "I've missed you," into my heart.

Where had I been? I had been wallowing in my own pain. In my anger. Not even pulling on His robes. Not even looking His way. Walking away on my self-made lonely road.

But He welcomed me back. Just as when my kids can come home? I will welcome them with open arms and say "I've missed you!"

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Word in warfare

Okay, I know I said yesterday that I was going to be away from blogging, but I felt this was too good.

I was at Bible Study last night and we prayed for an upcoming service.

That the words would be whatever God wanted. If He wanted a bowling ball to crash into someone's heart, so be it.

But if they needed to be dusted with a feather, bring it on.

This morning as I thought about it and continued to pray, it hit me. God can use the same 'word' and hit someone with a bowling ball and then flit on someone with a feather. Same word. Same time. Different ministry!

Cool, huh! Very efficient, God. Fun!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Absentee blogger

I am expecting to be off blogging for a bit. I am trying to meet some deadlines with my writing. I have never entered contests before, so it might take abit of time to do this. But I am excited about it.

I should get some feedback - even if I don't win anything. That would be good to have.

So pray for me! I have written a long time, but never prepared anything for entry.


New steps!

Monday, May 7, 2007

Warfare Dreams

A few nights ago, I had a dream.

I was in my bed (actually it was bigger and nicer - I like this dream!) I was in my room (you guessed it - it was my room only bigger and better! God's always telling me to dream big!) I was sleeping on my right side and felt a nudge on my back waist. I rolled over, in my dream, and saw my son sitting to the side of the bed.

And then I woke up! (End of bigger bedroom!) But still felt physically the nudge on my back.

I stayed awake and prayed for him - it was about 1:30am - until I felt a release - about 2am.

And as a mom, I wondered what was going on with him. What was he struggling with. Or maybe was he witnessing to someone. Where he lives it is 5 hours difference.

This morning I got the answer. My son has stepped out to go to school for cinema and filmmaking. As a Christian. Stepping out into Satan's playground. He and a group of other students were getting together soon after that time to start a group of Christian men and women that are going into that industry, to pray - to focus on what lies ahead.

And they needed prayer cover. A mom should have known that. I was praying, but for school. 'Help his mind. Help him grow. Help him learn. Protect him."

What I really needed to do?

Get out of bed. Put on my armor like in the previous post. And fire the Word of God into the battle.

To not tiptoe around. Stand and stand firm. Yes, on my son's behalf, but speaking God's Light into that Darkness.

Running into the battle. Shields up. Shields of faith. Raising the sword up into the forces ahead.

Alongside Jesus. The great Commander. The King of Kings

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Feel Like a Warrior

Last night – I don’t remember if it was as I was going…………I do remember. I was snuggling up to Father God and acting like a daughter. The little girl thing saying whatever – I really don’t remember – but snuggling up to Him.

But I remember greeting my Brother – Jesus! And right away, I was not the daughter, but the warrior alongside. I immediately felt like a warrior and I felt like I was dressed or suited up like a warrior. I felt the armor on. I felt it.

And our eyes met – Jesus was putting on his gloves and giving instructions to the army – us.

There was a definite sound of weapons clashing. Getting weapons readied for battle. Noises of swords, of shields, of helmets being cleaned and made ready. Swords clashing in practice forays. Warriors and angels testing their strength against each other. Stretching out. Driving the sword into the air – piercing the thickness. Piercing the darkness with the light of the sword. Helping each other put on the breastplates. One in front of the warrior and one in back – putting it in place - the warrior focusing on Jesus’ Words of instruction as if in a trance.

And many warriors moving in almost a dance of warfare, moving their shields and swords from side to side. Almost a planned pattern or dance step, like my grandson calls his ‘skills’. (He’s four!) Like a routine of movement only for war. Thrusting the sword into the air with the left arm and the other arm, hidden by the shield, bringing it alongside his or her chest or side – taking a huge step ahead in a lunge. Eyes focused on what lies ahead. Always alert and listening to Jesus’ instructions. Always attentive to Him and His needs and Wisdom.

Ready – but even as the warriors are moving and practicing, they are also aware that they are already in the battle. Not just readying for it, but in it.

It’s almost a time warp thing. Preparing, but in, at the same time. And moving with confidence in the knowledge that the battle is already won. But no matter. The warriors still move about in faith and obedience and perseverance. Always moving – always in tune with Jesus. Always in the battle, but totally aware that they are victorious because of Him. But never giving up. Never giving in. Never stopping.

When there are wounded, many gather around. Bringing their swords up and around and building a hedge round about them. Calling out Jesus’ Name. And He comes – to each wounded warrior – to look into their eyes and speak words of comfort. Laying a hand on their wounds and healing each one. Sometimes the wounds are far too bad and Jesus takes the wounded with Him and keeps them with Him – always helping them by looking into their wounds. And He covers them with His robes of Righteousness and Healing.

And when the wounded are ready, he holds out a hand to each one and pulls them up – not in their own strength – but in His.

And as the enemy is pushed back, a cheer goes up! A cheer of celebration and another warrior is welcomed into the army.
So the process begins all over again. Practicing, listening to the Lord of the Army, focusing, moving in the Spirit, learning, always in the battle.

And as Jesus speaks His words of wisdom, each warrior speaks them out in praise and adoration. Practicing them also, but using them in the battle. In worship of the Victorious, but in obedience.

Entering the battles, into the foray, swinging their swords in a huge swoop. Charging alongside their Leader.

And as the warriors run alongside Jesus, He looks back at each one. With a glint in His eyes. And a grin on His face! And with His sword raised up and forward. Hair flowing all about him.

Are you ready?

Tuesday, May 1, 2007


I have an angel where I live. His name is Joe.

Really. He has glasses, wears work clothes, wears a ball hat, and is my angel!

He drives a lawn mower. And he mows my lawn.

But he is a real live angel. Because every spring, he lets me go out in my large yard and rake all of the leaves from my many flower beds into the lawn. And then he just mows them up.

We did that this morning.

I used to rake an area, bag it, take it to the dump's leaf and grass area and go back to work at our grocery store. What used to take weeks to complete, this morning only took 3 hours!

Yeah, I know he is flesh and blood, and if he read this? He would deny the angel thing.

But there is just something about Joe.

Maybe someday I'll write on some supernatural stuff with angels, but today?

I have an angel and his name is Joe!