Monday, July 30, 2007

Root Canals

Goodness where does a month go? I just got a coffee drink and she asked where I'd been lately - and she finished with the obvious question. On vacation?

Oh, what I wanted to unload on her! No, not vaca. Far from it.

Dealing with a rental property that needs mucho work before it's ready to rent again. And with a dear mom-in-law, and going through all of her stuff with her after a mini-stroke. No vaca.

In many ways some of this is a victory. I am not going as far down as I have in the past when the last straw was the cat playing keep-away, and I'd go ballistic. I've only had one real meltdown and that was when the contractor that is helping us repair the house, pulled up the linoleum in the cupboard under the kitchen sink, and I saw the rot there. When a simple phone call telling me that the dishwasher was leaking would have meant a call to the Maytag guy. I walked away and cried. Each day, my sister and I would go to the Lord, asking for forgiveness for wanting to annihilate the renters, get set free again, and go back to the house and find another clue to this riddle. Another piece to this puzzle. Another repair that could have been avoided, if they had only learned to be transparent and call us. I'm not sure what the picture will be when we get it all put back together.

But I am sure about the good thing that God is doing in my heart. He is making sure that each little remaining piece of anger, hatred, unforgiveness, resentment, blame (thanks Pastor Mike!), etc. is pulled out. It's like a root canal. They have to make sure that each little piece of that tooth's root is cleaned out, because of the possible spread of infection. The dentist says that there is even a stink when they open the thing up.

I'm sure too that when I let God open the thing up in my heart, that there is a stench to God's nostrils. And I'm also sure that if I let Him, He will want to go in and clean every bit of the stinky mess out of my heart.

So use the renters, God. Bring it on. Bring on the whole stinky mess and open up my heart to heal, so I don't stink or offend You anymore.


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