Friday, March 14, 2008

I'm an Imposter

I seem to be so bound.

I stay stuck in the old habits.

What's up with that, when I have a Savior who took care of all that?

So what's the problem?

Me?

I'm looking with these big wide eyes. And looking around me. Like, you mean... me? Finger pointing at my chest?

Me?

I think that the worst sin is not taking a hold of who and what Jesus died for us to be.

Yes, we are conquerors. Yes, we are kids of God. If we have repented, and asked Jesus to be our Lord and Savior, we have that.

But more than that.

I am called to be a writer, a creator. I make pottery. I create jewelry. I see things in a really funky way.

But do I make the time? So how does that make Father feel? Jesus feel? He died so I could be what He made me to be. And I am not doing or being it.

How disappointed He must be in me.

I'm good at being the conqueror. Telling demons to flee. I can do that.

For others.

But can I do that for me?

Those demons of fear of failure. Demons of I'm not worthy. Demons of what if I succeed. Demons of what will others think - bad, or good. Demons of let's just be normal. Demons of mediocrity. Demons of wasting time. (Oh yeah, I play Spider Solitaire before I write - I tell myself that it gets me in the mode. Ha! I'm procrastinating so I don't have to fail. That hurt.)

What did God put into your heart to be? What did you obsess about when you were little? Really. Me too!

That is who we were made to be.

That is what Jesus takes pleasure in, when we do or be it. He glows when we take up the pen. He holds His breath when we grab that clay. He jumps up and down when we tie up those shoelaces to run like the wind. He gets tears in His eyes when we pick up that child to tickle and snuggle.

Oh so sweet. To take up that cross that He died on. It wasn't just to enable us to crucify our flesh (Yeah. Me, too.) It was to take up that cross and be who He freed us to be!

So, I don't know about you, but....I'm getting out my pencils. I'm putting on my apron to cook. I'm cutting my fingernails so I don't pierce the pot of clay. I'm leaning over to tie my running shoes. I'm....you get the picture!

So free....So free!

Giggles from my Jesus.

©BL2008

1 comment:

Jeremy Lacy said...

This was pretty good! Things that I have always felt and wondered about as well. The series at church right now has really helped me with just these questions. It's made me feel less guilty about some things. Keep writing mom - you're really good at it!

Jer